Control is fear disguised as strength. Surrendering what you cannot control and trusting God can bring freedom, wisdom, and lasting peace.
The post The Fears That Drive Our Desire for Control appeared first on Bible Gateway News & Knowledge.
Fear can be a warning, but it was never meant to be our master. Yet when fear takes over, we often respond by trying to control everything around us.
We tell ourselves that if we can just anticipate every problem, prevent every disappointment and manage every outcome, we will finally feel safe. But the more we try to control, the more anxious we become.
Control is fear disguised as strength.
We may look capable, responsible, and prepared on the outside while carrying deep fears on the inside. The desire to control is often an attempt to protect ourselves from pain we do not believe we can handle.
But God does not ask us to carry the weight of every possible outcome. He invites us to trust Him with what we cannot control.
What Fears Are Driving Your Desire for Control?
The desire for control is usually connected to a deeper fear. What are you most afraid might happen if you stop managing every detail?
Consider these common fears:
- Rejection, abandonment, or not being loved.
- Betrayal, mistrust, or manipulation.
- Loss of people, possessions, identity, or peace.
- Vulnerability and inadequacy.
- Lack of control and helplessness.
- Suffering, pain, and mortality.
Often, the deepest fear is not that something painful will happen. It’s that if something painful happens, we won’t be able to handle it.
That fear can cause us to overthink conversations, rehearse possible outcomes, avoid vulnerability, overfunction for others, or become consumed with making sure everything goes according to plan.
But our control is not a form of legitimate insurance against suffering. It’s a fake deal.
No amount of planning can guarantee that we will never be disappointed. No amount of preparation can prevent every loss. No amount of vigilance can ensure that the people we love will never hurt us.
The question is not whether we can control enough to avoid suffering. The question is whether we can trust God enough to meet us when suffering comes.
Why Does Control Feel So Powerful?
Control gives us the illusion that we can protect ourselves from what we fear.
When life feels uncertain, taking charge can feel comforting. We may believe that if we work harder, communicate better, anticipate more carefully, or keep everyone happy, we can prevent the things we dread.
But control often becomes exhausting because it requires us to carry responsibilities God never gave us.
We cannot control what other people think, say, or do. We cannot control every circumstance, outcome or consequence. We cannot control the future.
Still, fear convinces us that we should try.
The goal is not to become careless or passive. The goal is to stop carrying what God never asked us to carry.
There is a difference between wisdom and control. Wisdom recognizes what we can faithfully do and entrusts the results to God. Control believes everything depends on us.
That is why control can become so deeply rooted in our lives. It is not simply about wanting things our way. It is often about wanting relief from the fear that something might go wrong.
Why Do We Reach for Control Instead of Trusting God?
We often reach for control when we stop trusting God’s goodness.
This struggle began in the Garden of Eden. God had given Adam and Eve everything they needed. They lived in His presence and enjoyed His provision. But when the serpent questioned God’s goodness, they began to doubt whether God was truly withholding something good from them (Genesis 3:1-5).
The temptation was not only about eating forbidden fruit. It was about deciding for themselves what was good, what was right, and what they needed in order to be safe.
Instead of trusting God, they reached for control. The path to control was distrust that was laced with fear: “what if God doesn’t have my ultimate good in mind?”
And when they realized they were naked, they hid.
Fear often makes us do the same thing. We begin to believe that God may not protect us, provide for us or lead us in the way we need. So we take matters into our own hands. We hide behind competence, busyness, perfectionism, or self-sufficiency.
But the path to wisdom was never found in separating ourselves from God. It was found in remaining in His presence.
God did not create us to navigate life independently of Him. He created us for relationship with Him. Our safety was never meant to come from knowing everything or controlling everything. It was meant to come from knowing the One who does.
What Can the Tree of Life Teach Us About Trusting God?
The Tree of Life reminds us that true wisdom and life are found in God’s presence, not in our attempts to become self-sufficient.
In Genesis 2 and 3, two trees stood in the garden: the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. God told Adam and Eve not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, but the serpent convinced them that they needed to know the fullness of good and evil apart from the wisdom and direction of God.
And then they reached for that knowledge apart from God, believing they could become wise enough to manage life on their own terms.
But God’s design was different.
The path to wisdom was never found in separating ourselves from God. It was found in remaining in His presence.
The Tree of Life represents the life God intended for humanity: life with Him, dependence on Him, and trust in His wisdom.
When Adam and Eve sinned, they were removed from the garden and access to the Tree of Life was lost. But God’s plan to restore His people to Himself was already unfolding.
How Does Jesus Become Our Tree of Life?
Jesus restores what sin disrupted: our access to God’s presence and the life that comes from Him.
Throughout Scripture, Jesus is revealed as the One who brings wisdom, guidance, strength, comfort, and rest. He is the source of life we were created to receive.
Because of Jesus, we do not have to figure everything out before we trust God.
Jesus came to restore our relationship with God. Through His death and resurrection, He defeated the power of sin and death and opened the way for us to live in fellowship with our Creator.
He understands our suffering because He entered into it Himself. He knows what it means to experience rejection, betrayal, loss, pain, and death.
And because He has overcome death, we do not have to face our fears alone.
When we are afraid of what might happen, Jesus does not promise that nothing difficult will ever happen. Instead, He promises His presence. He meets us in our uncertainty and reminds us that our lives are secure in Him, even when our circumstances are not.
How Can We Respond When Fear Takes Over?
When fearful thoughts arise, quickly give them to God.
We do not have to entertain every fearful thought or solve every possible problem before it happens. We can bring our fears honestly to God and allow His truth to interrupt the stories fear is telling us.
- When fear says, “You have to figure this out” … God invites us to remember that He is already present.
- When fear says, “You cannot handle what is coming” … God reminds us that His grace will meet us there.
- When fear says, “Everything depends on you” … God reminds us that we are His children, not the saviors of our own lives.
The practical response to fear is not denial. It is surrender.
We can:
- Name the fear honestly before God.
- Bring fearful thoughts to Scripture instead of allowing them to grow unchecked.
- Pray for wisdom and ask God to show us our next faithful step.
- Listen for His direction rather than reacting impulsively.
- Do what God has given us to do and release what belongs to Him.
We can choose to walk through our fears alone, afraid, and determined to manage every detail. Or we can walk through them with Jesus.
That choice may need to be made again and again. Trust is not always a one-time decision. Sometimes surrender looks like releasing the same fear to God every morning, every hour, or every time it rises again.
What Will You Do With What You Cannot Control?
The quickest way to loosen our grip on control is not to convince ourselves that nothing bad will happen. It is to become convinced that God will be with us if it does.
We may not be able to control whether someone disappoints us, whether circumstances change, whether our bodies grow tired, whether plans fall apart, or whether suffering enters our lives.
But we can choose where we will turn when those things happen.
Will we turn inward and try to manage everything ourselves? Or will we turn toward Jesus, trusting that He is wise enough to lead us, strong enough to sustain us, and loving enough to stay with us?
The invitation is not to stop caring. It is not to stop planning, preparing, or making wise decisions.
It is to stop believing that our peace depends on controlling what only God can control.
The goal is not to make ourselves feel safe by eliminating every uncertainty. The goal is to become rooted in the certainty that God is good, God is present, and God will not abandon us.
When we remember that, fear no longer has to be our master.
We can release our grip.
We can receive the wisdom God gives.
We can take the next faithful step.
And we can trust the One who holds what we never could.
Sometimes surrender can feel like we’re giving up. But what if it’s actually what we need to do in order to move forward and find healing? In her new book, Making Peace with What I Can’t Control, Lysa TerKeurst gently reminds us that peace doesn’t come from having all the answers or fixing every situation. It comes from staying close to the Lord in the middle of the unknown. If you’re weary from trying to hold everything together, this book offers biblical wisdom, practical tools, and the reassurance that God can bear the weight of all that you’ve been carrying.
The post The Fears That Drive Our Desire for Control appeared first on Bible Gateway News & Knowledge.